Talk:American Cancer Society: Difference between revisions

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imported>David Watt
(New page: {{subpages}})
 
imported>Shamira Gelbman
(first evaluation comments)
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==First (instructor) evaluation comments==
Hi David,
Here are some suggestions for further improvements to your encyclopedia entry draft. I'm going to stick to the sections you've already started developing; keep in mind, though, that you still need to fill in the others as well as the related articles, bibliography, and external links subpages.
* Rather than quote the ACS's mission statement verbatim, you might revise the intro to explain what the organization is all about in your own words. (Same goes for the definition.)
* You might make the "History" section a bit more reader-friendly by dividing it into subsections. It might be interesting to try to dig up and discuss some of the organization's early publications. You might also try to explain why and how the organization was reorganized in 1945 rather than just state that it was. Finally, the section doesn't seem to have much to say about the organization's development since the late 1940s, something that might be corrected by consulting additional sources beyond the ACS History webpage.
* Again in the "Current activities and objectives" section, you might break up the discussion a bit rather than keep it all in one paragraph. Probably the most logical reorganization would be to discuss each of the four categories you identify in its own paragraph or subsection.
* In addition to discussing the overall structure of the organization, the "Organizational Structure" section might include some discussion of the ACS's leadership positions and their current incumbents.
* Rather than present a list of "highlights" in the "Achievements" section, you might discuss each one in a more elaborate paragraph format. You might explain more about the significance of each achievement and say a bit more about what the ACS did to accomplish it.
* Throughout the entry, there are many terms that could be placed within double square brackets the first time they appear in order to create internal links (like you did in the intro for [[interest group]]); e.g. [[cancer]], [[James Watson]], etc.
[[User:Shamira Gelbman|Shamira Gelbman]] 19:16, 4 October 2009 (UTC)
==Second (peer) evaluation comments==

Revision as of 13:16, 4 October 2009

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 Definition:  American Cancer Society mission statement says “The American Cancer Society is the nationwide, community-based, voluntary health organization dedicated to eliminating cancer as a major health problem by preventing cancer, saving lives, and diminishing suffering from cancer, through research, education, advocacy, and service.” [d] [e]
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 Talk Archive:  none  English language variant:  American English

First (instructor) evaluation comments

Hi David,

Here are some suggestions for further improvements to your encyclopedia entry draft. I'm going to stick to the sections you've already started developing; keep in mind, though, that you still need to fill in the others as well as the related articles, bibliography, and external links subpages.

  • Rather than quote the ACS's mission statement verbatim, you might revise the intro to explain what the organization is all about in your own words. (Same goes for the definition.)
  • You might make the "History" section a bit more reader-friendly by dividing it into subsections. It might be interesting to try to dig up and discuss some of the organization's early publications. You might also try to explain why and how the organization was reorganized in 1945 rather than just state that it was. Finally, the section doesn't seem to have much to say about the organization's development since the late 1940s, something that might be corrected by consulting additional sources beyond the ACS History webpage.
  • Again in the "Current activities and objectives" section, you might break up the discussion a bit rather than keep it all in one paragraph. Probably the most logical reorganization would be to discuss each of the four categories you identify in its own paragraph or subsection.
  • In addition to discussing the overall structure of the organization, the "Organizational Structure" section might include some discussion of the ACS's leadership positions and their current incumbents.
  • Rather than present a list of "highlights" in the "Achievements" section, you might discuss each one in a more elaborate paragraph format. You might explain more about the significance of each achievement and say a bit more about what the ACS did to accomplish it.
  • Throughout the entry, there are many terms that could be placed within double square brackets the first time they appear in order to create internal links (like you did in the intro for interest group); e.g. cancer, James Watson, etc.

Shamira Gelbman 19:16, 4 October 2009 (UTC)

Second (peer) evaluation comments

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