Talk:Mothers Against Drunk Driving: Difference between revisions
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imported>Shamira Gelbman (first evaluation comments) |
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==First (instructor) evaluation comments== | ==First (instructor) evaluation comments== | ||
[[User:Shamira Gelbman|Shamira Gelbman]] | Hi Michael, | ||
Here are some suggestions for further improvements to your encyclopedia entry draft. I'm going to stick to the sections you've already begun developing, but keep in mind that you still need to fill in the others as well as the related articles, bibliography, and external links subpages. | |||
* Your intro is serviceable, but you might flesh it out a bit to provide a more elaborate overview of what you'll be discussing in the remainder of the entry. | |||
* In the "History" section, you might be a little less vague in your discussion of how the organization was founded. For example, you say that Lightner "took action and set up the organization" -- what exactly did she do to get MADD off the ground? Also, you might expand the section much more to include information about the organization's development since the early 1980s. | |||
* In the "Achievements" section, you might explain much more about MADD's role in securing the .08 BAC level (not to mention what this means, when it happened, and what its implications have been. | |||
[[User:Shamira Gelbman|Shamira Gelbman]] 16:19, 8 October 2009 (UTC) | |||
==Second (peer) evaluation comments== | ==Second (peer) evaluation comments== | ||
Revision as of 10:19, 8 October 2009
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First (instructor) evaluation comments
Hi Michael,
Here are some suggestions for further improvements to your encyclopedia entry draft. I'm going to stick to the sections you've already begun developing, but keep in mind that you still need to fill in the others as well as the related articles, bibliography, and external links subpages.
- Your intro is serviceable, but you might flesh it out a bit to provide a more elaborate overview of what you'll be discussing in the remainder of the entry.
- In the "History" section, you might be a little less vague in your discussion of how the organization was founded. For example, you say that Lightner "took action and set up the organization" -- what exactly did she do to get MADD off the ground? Also, you might expand the section much more to include information about the organization's development since the early 1980s.
- In the "Achievements" section, you might explain much more about MADD's role in securing the .08 BAC level (not to mention what this means, when it happened, and what its implications have been.
Shamira Gelbman 16:19, 8 October 2009 (UTC)